“Brand New Key” by Melanie
Time to mellow out for a bit.
Bill (Film Review)
Starring Aaron Eckhart, Elizabeth Banks, Jessica Alba, Timothy Olyphant (Deadwood) and that kid from the cancelled WB show starring Christine Lahti (Jack & Bobby) are all a part of this funny concept gone horribly wrong project.
The movie starts out alright and if you watch the trailer, you’ll want to see how it turns out too. They suck you in, but for no f*%@ing reason. They don’t intend to deliver on the laughs, wittiness, and some sort of a nice moral as the trailer promises.
Bill’s an overweight loser who is 1 of 3 owners of a bank. He doesn’t actually own anything - his wife’s father & brother are the ones that run the show. Bill sort of married his wife’s money. But he apparently hated it from the get go and just never did anything about it.
We never see when Bill took the turn into becoming a walking advertisement for Snickers candy bars or why NOT to eat Snickers candy bars, but he’s just this lump of cowardice and lost dreams.
There’s no consistency in the plot, we jump from one scene to another without any logic. The message is scrambled, there’s an affair, there’s spying, there’s a side story about a kid whose character seems to have no real goal. It’s a big freaking mess. Jessica Alba plays an unwilling pedophile. Save yourself the trouble, watch the trailer and consider yourself entertained.
2 out of 5.
Captains of Ships
Did you ever notice how the captain of a ship always takes charge harder and with more pizazz than any other “driver.”
Imagine the lead driver in your family. They don’t have as much control as a ship’s captain, but they come the closest. Because besides driving you to and from places, drivers of family cars also usually have a lot of set rules like, one can only listen to the radio station or music that they select, or how many pit stops will be made or whether or not peeing in a bottle is permissible or not.
A ship’s captain is responsible for not only how to drive the ship, but how to keep people from going insane on the water. That and if there’s a mission, let’s say a cargo ship for now - then to make sure all the cargo is accounted for, to make sure it doesn’t go rotten. But they also need to take care of the crew’s well-being to insure against mutinies. Maybe it’s the fact that they’re on water and weird things happen while you’re floating in water with nothing else around.
But then again, you look at airplane pilots who are in the air most of the time and air is different than water, but when you think about navigation and what not, it’s the same view. A lot of nothing all around. And pilots are nowhere as domineering or intimidating as the captains of ships. Captains of ships need their hats, they need to feel that their crew is listening to them, you often find them being very bossy and arrogant. Airline pilots on theo ther hand are excited when they get to speak on the microphone for 5 minutes. And while they’re concerned about the well-being of everyone on flight, it’s not as powerful-seeming as when a captain of a ship tells you to do something. How many times have you seen the fasten your seatbelt sign go on and yet people are getting up to go to the loo? No respect. You think that kind of nonsense would happen if the captain of a ship had said it? No sir!
I’ve never been on a boat. This is all just years of watching nautical cinema and television coming out. I just saw photos from the world’s biggest cruise ship and the captain’s quarters looked spiffy. And then I thought of Captain Jack Sparrow and the captain from Gilligan’s Island, Titanic, then a few scenes from Mutiny on the Bounty and that new Discovery channel show about people fishing for crabs in Alaska.
Anyway, captains of ships, I salute your ego. Can I take a picture with you now?
4 years ago in Queens Village
- Man: Is your father home?
- Me: Yes, what is this about?
- Man: We're here supporting a [local candidate] and want to discuss his policies with him.
- Me: Well, you can talk to me and my sister, we're 18
- Man: No no, you need to be 21 to vote.